We begin with the latest developments regarding the administration’s chaotic presidency teetering on the edge of the abyss. On Friday, White House Press Secretary and former disgruntled cashier sucking on a Slim Jim at the 98-cent store, Sara Huckabee Sanders, defended accused pedophile, Judge Roy Moore. Spinning the disturbing narrative, Sanders said, and I quote: “A mere allegation of sexual impropriety isn’t enough to condemn Judge Moore. In fact, I recently sat on his lap at the White House Halloween party in the Oval Office. Granted, I felt something rigid in his pants, but the Judge assured me it was only the Alka-Seltzer bottle where he keeps his Viagra.” “Besides,” Sara added, “Judge Moore wears a white cowboy hat and everyone knows they’re only worn by the good guys.” In a related story, Temporary President Trump’s approval rating is waning faster than an ice cream cone in the hands of Chris Christie. Over the weekend, our reporters spoke with former Trump supporter, Martha Kleege, from Steubenville, Ohio. When asked about her change of heart, Martha said: “Donald Trump is a painful pimple on the nose of America. The incompetent bag-o-nuts recently kissed-up to Vladimir Putin while throwing his own CIA agents under the Access Hollywood Bus where he boasted about grabbing women’s hoo-hahs.” Harsh words perhaps; nonetheless, it is encouraging to hear former Trump supporters … This just in, once again Kellyanne Conway was seen taking the 9:20 broom to Hades alongside Sara Huckabee Sanders. Film at eleven.
On his recent trip to Asia, Temporary President Trump arrived late to a meeting with Chinese President Chi. Mr. Trump was delayed because he was touring the factory in Beijing where he bought the steel he used to construct Trump Tower. He also fell behind schedule after visiting several sweatshops in Shanghai where underpaid workers make his suits, shirts, ties, socks, underwear, cufflinks, “Make America Hate Again” hats, and custom-made kid gloves for his tiny hands. On the home front, special council, and second cousin once removed from TV’s celebrated sit-com personality Herman Munster, Robert Mueller, recently handed down several key-player indictments. The first indictment on the subject of collusion
Apparently, Ivanka Trump-a-Dashian and her Chinese emolument clothing couture is about to vamp down the last runway. In the words of Woody Guthrie: So long, been good to know ya, you bloody wanker. With any luck, her brothers: Eric (The Earl of Douchebags) Trump-a-Dashian and Donald Junior (The second Earl of Douchebags) will soon follow in their sister’s fraudulent footsteps. Born with silver forks in their mouths and doubtless pentagrams on their palms, the siblings chose to follow in Daddy’s disingenuous footsteps. In the process, the scallywags have taken words like creepy, disturbing, and horrific to new heights. As regards Cinderella Trump-a-Dashian, also known as Tiffany, the sour stepsister often appears confused and disoriented at family gatherings. At the recent Easter Egg Hunt on the White House lawn, for example, Cinderella/Tiffany looked like Bambi staring into the headlights of an oncoming Buick. Baron is just a child, but I don’t hold out a lot of hope for the Trump-a-Dashian youngster. Not surprisingly, if you look up the words Hypocrisy and Nightmarish in the dictionary, you’ll find the Trump-a-Dashian family photo. Alongside the family photograph, you’ll see individual snapshots of the douchebag brothers, Eric and Donald Jr, posing in front of the slaughtered remains of endangered species. Such as Lions, Tigers, and the majestic African Elephant. Evidently, Eric and Donald Jr. think the big game photographs will dispel reports from their wives that the Trump-a-Dashian brothers are hung like hamsters. Frankly, I hope it won’t be long before this reality show gets cancelled. It’s the scariest program I’ve ever seen.
This afternoon I attended a town Hall meeting in Sarasota, hosted by Congressman Vern Buchanan. Along with roughly four-thousand concerned citizens, my wife and I and our friend, Charlie, amplified our viewpoints and voices at the Van Wezel Auditorium. Unfortunately, important questions regarding the immoral state of affairs we face each day of the Trump presidency were met with spin-city-answers. Like a genuine Trump partisan, Mr. Buchanan sidestepped legitimate questions about the horrific policies and procedures Donald Trump spews out with every sunrise. Mr. Buchanan spent the lion’s share of the question and answer period looking like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. The meeting nonetheless was exhilarating because ninety-nine percent of the attendees were on the right side of history; people who came to challenge the congressman’s failed policies, leanings, and loyalties toward a man who should be cleaning the toilets in the White House rather than using them. Thomas Jefferson said, “Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.” We took our eye off the ball and now our freedom and independence hangs in the balance. These are troubling times in our nation’s history, but like the clichéd expression reveals, “It is always darkest before the dawn.” Resist.
Good people, I know there’s one thing we can all agree upon; Kelly Anne Conway has taken leave of her racist bigoted white-supremacist mind. Bare feet in the Oval Office? Bare feet on the sofa while 35 Black University Presidents are standing in attendance? You disrespectful slithering-silicone-sycophant. Please, Kelly Anne, do the planet a colossal favor and crawl back in to the gurgling bog you oozed out of. I’m sure you’ll find a cozy snakeskin sweater from Ivanka Fashions and a few alternative facts at the bottom of the ooze. Good luck and God Bless.
I don’t believe Donald Trump rightfully graduated from college; he’s too stupid. I’m certain his degree was obtained by paying intelligent students to do the required work and take his exams. In fact, Donald probably paid his kindergarten classmates to do his bidding or he would have failed sandbox.
Donald Trump is a racist, misogynistic, fear mongering bully, and those are his good qualities. All Seriousness aside, Trump is a heartless douche-bag and he doesn’t have any good qualities.