The FBI uncovered several other items Donald Trump took from the White House: (1) Harry S Truman’s Official Atomic-Bomb-Ashtray (2) Elenore Roosevelt’s Declassified Beauty Cream (3) Kevin McCarthy’s Testicles (4) Dick Cheney’s Spent Shotgun Shells (5) Mary Todd Lincoln’s Honorary Crazy Quilt (6) Millard B Filmore’s Lucky Argyle Socks (7) Andrew Jackson’s Castanets and Broken Native American Treaties (8) William H Taft’s Top Secret Mustache Wax (9) Richard M Nixon’s Anti-Semitic Missives and Presidential Nose Hair Trimmer (10) Betty Ford’s Executive Cocktail Shaker and Pillbox Hat (11) Benjamin Franklin’s Colonial Lightning Rod and Sorted Clown Shoes
The F.B.I. recently uncovered several other items Donald Trump took from the White House: (1) Abe Lincoln’s Stove Pipe Hat (2) J. Edgar Hoover’s Hoop Skirt (3) Teddy Roosevelt’s Big Stick (4) Eisenhower’s personal collection of, “I Like Ike Buttons (5) Martha Washington’s secret recipe for Cherry Pie (6) Ronald Reagan’s undocumented S.A.G. Card. (7) Barack Obama’s Afro Pick Comb. (8) George W. Bush’s Crayola Crayons. (9) Jimmy Carter’s Elevator Shoes. (10) F.D.R.’s Wheelchair Lubricant. (11) Bill Clinton’s Address Book. #tinyyellowhat
With all the turmoil playing out in Ukraine and the world on the brink of nuclear disaster, Will Smith took it upon himself to bitch-slap Chris Rock at the Academy Award Ceremony. Forty minutes later, in the irony of all dramatic ironies, Will Smith won the Oscar for Best Actor in the film, King Richard. During his longwinded acceptance speech, Smith seemingly wept his way out of an arrest warrant for assault. I only wish Chris Rock had fought back. If Mr. Smith attacked me on stage, or anywhere else, I would have taken his tonsils out through his nostrils and knocked his funny little ears off. In the end, the Oscar winner never apologized to Chris Rock for his insane behavior. He only asked the Academy’s forgiveness in hopes of being asked back again. Look, if you or I assaulted Will Smith because we didn’t like his performance in a film, or he told a joke about someone we loved, we’d be on our way to jail so fast, our heads would spin around faster than the little girl in the scene from the Exorcist. Will Smith is a bully and should be held accountable for assaulting Chris Rock. Shame on you, Mr. Smith.
During the January 6 insurrection, Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas’ wife, Ginni, attempted to undermine democracy and overthrow the government. In an effort to foment hate and reinstate the failed President who lost a free and fair election, Mrs. Thomas did everything except prepare box lunches, make lemonade, and drive a bus packed with loathsome losers to the Capital. Even so, to this day she continues to foster heinous lies fueling the addlebrained conspiracy theory knucklehead’s who think JFK Jr. will rise up from the grave and parade down Bourbon Street on Fat Tuesday, and Hilary Clinton will dine on toddlers in a pizzeria in the Bronx. Along with repugnant criminals like Mark Meadows, Moe Brooks, and the former Douchebag-in-Chief, Ginni Thomas should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and hauled off to the Old Gray Bar Hotel.
Presently, I am viewing an historic moment in American history; the confirmation of the first African American woman nominated to the highest court of the land. Baring a cataclysmic event, such as an asteroid hurtling toward the planet and landing on the congressional committee, or Senator Lindsey Graham having a case of the vapors, Judge Katanji Brown Jackson will be confirmed as the next Supreme Court Justice. Nonetheless, regardless of Judge Jackson’s exemplary credentials, including decades of experience, clarity, integrity, and awe-inspiring intellect, a number of Republican policy makers will object to her nomination. These narrowminded individuals seemingly relish being on the wrong side of history, again and again. Fortunately, decent Americans have the ability to kick these racist, xenophobic, obstructionists to the curb by voting them out of office. Therein lies the difference between democratic forms of government and dictatorial regimes. In Russia, for example, voter’s deposit their ballots into a shredder and the current despot remains the ruler of the land. At the end of the day, Thomas Jefferson said: “Eternal vigilance is the price of Liberty.” I believe eternal vigilance requires voting at the local level, voting in the midterms, and voting for a good and decent President. Vote!
I take pride in my ability to gage someone’s character or lack thereof, quickly. This afternoon, however, I was handed a dose of reality regarding my swift-assessment-capabilities. On our drive over to the community swimming pool for a little exercise and some Vitamin D, my wife and I drove past the home of a couple we occasionally chat with around the neighborhood and at the swimming pool. Hoisted on a flagpole in their front yard, waving in the breeze, was an unsightly vile, “Let’s Go Brandon” flag. In some way, I felt sadder for myself having misjudged the couple’s obvious lack of character and general stupidity. Don’t get me wrong, I never thought either of them were candidates for a think tank at M.I.T or membership in MENSA. If truth be told, the male counterpart in the relationship is pretty much a nincompoop, enamored with the sound of his own voice. Even so, I always thought the nincompoop’s wife had a decent sense of humor. For that reason, the measure of her mean-spirited nature, caught me off guard. In the end, I find their hateful flag-waving-behavior especially egregious, because presently we are witnessing the invasion of Ukraine by a brutal dictator who helped the previous failed President of the United States, (the flag-flying chucklehead’s party favorite) get elected. At the same time, I believe human beings can change and evolve; therefore, my wife and I are holding out hope that soon we’ll pass our neighbor’s home and view a notable flag lowering ceremony in their front yard.
Vladimir Putin makes “Vlad the Impaler,” aka Dracula, look like Mother Theresa. By the same token, considering Lindsey Graham captures the essence of twofaced toadies the world over, his recent tweeting about Putin’s sycophants killing the tyrant is the height of hypocrisy. Senator Graham kissed the former failed President’s ass so much, the Chapstix factory ran out of strawberry lip balm. By the way, I’ve been studying Vladimir Putin’s stoic face for several weeks. In my opinion, a tumbler of prune juice would end the invasion and suffering in Ukraine.
I live in Florida. It is my home. All the same, I am embarrassed by our Governor, Ron DeSantis. Yesterday, Ron DeSantis bullied children standing behind him on a stage for wearing masks. He called their choice to wear a mask in public, “Covid Theater.” The Governor also called, France, one of our staunchest allies, cowards. France, the country who gave us the very symbol of freedom we proudly display in New York harbor. I only wish one of the young Americans who stood on the stage behind Governor DeSantis, (or one of their parents,) had confronted the gutless bully for his shameful behavior. Doubtless, the spineless politician would have scurried away, squealing like a little girl who sat on a bumble bee.
Along with several love letters from the former failed President to the North Korean dictator, Kim Jung Un, and the despot’s response; the National Archives recently unveiled numerous missives from Donald Trump to Vladimir Putin, and the Russian tyrant’s response.
It’s me Donny. I just received a letter from our friend in North Korea. Kimmy said you’re thinking about opening a chain of Russian borsht eateries in Ukraine. Doubtless, the world will try and make it look like you’re invading your neighbor. Don’t pay attention to the world. You are a genius. By the way, I love borsht with a dollop of sour cream and a side of fries, eight or ten Big Macs, and a tub of guacamole. Keep up the good work. You are my hero.
You’re the best. I’m so glad you get me. I’m going to send you another soccer ball. Then, you’ll have a pair of balls. Incidentally, tell Kimmy I’m going to add Korean Barbeque to the menu at my borsht eateries in Ukraine. You guys will experience a taste sensation when you slather the ribs with Russian dressing. By the by, Donny, you’re my hero too.
Love and Hugs,
While the National Archives continues to investigate the former failed President’s unlawful removal of classified documents to his residence in Mar-A-Lago, another love letter to Kim Jung Un, and the Korean dictator’s response, recently surfaced.
Frolicking around with you in my hot tub remains a treasured memory. I had more fun with you, Kimmy, than I ever had with my Ice Queen wife, Melania. The Slovakian wench wouldn’t even hold my hand in the Jacuzzi. In turn, I look forward to spending time with you and Vladimir/Pooty in the bubbly hot tub. I know we’ll have a “soothing” soak.
Love and Kisses
I echo your sentiments regarding our time cavorting around in the hot tub. How anyone can get the chills in a hot tub is beyond me, but I got goosebumps “soaking” beside you. I hope Pooty’s busy schedule, regarding his upcoming invasion of Ukraine, won’t stop our fetching buddy from finding a little, “me time,” with you and I in the Jacuzzi.
Hugs and smooches,