Category Archives: Blog

Southside of Brooklyn

I was born on the southside of Brooklyn a few years after the second world war. My father was stationed in Nebraska during World War II and often said, “I killed more German and Japanese soldiers with my typewriter than any other guy in the Army Air Corp.” Still in single digits, I thought Dad went around smashing his Underwood over enemy combatants’ heads, or dropped his typewriter from a B17 into densely populated areas of Berlin and Tokyo. Although my father was never in the thick of it, he still suffered from PTSD, or shell shock as the medicos called the disorder in the 1940s. Why he exhibited symptoms of the dread condition is a mystery; nonetheless, after his stint in the armed forces, Dad had more issues than Readers Digest. Of course, cohabitating with my mother, the Sicilian whack-a-do from Crazy Town, may have been a contributing factor regarding his facial tics and occasional melt downs; events that punctuated a broad-spectrum of clumsy parenting. Just the same, I never doubted his love. A few years back, the veteran shuffled off this mortal coil in his 96th year. In his absence, I thank my father and his heroic band of brothers who fought and died for their country.

Black American Hero’s


Here is a clever idea from the button-down mind of my lovely wife, Millisa. Recently, the folks at Quaker Oats and Mars Nutrition woke up after 130 years and discontinued their stereotypical logos from the company’s pancake mix and fragrant white rice. Millisa said, “The Quaker Oat Company and Mars Nutrition should replace Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima with a bit of Black History on every box of pancake mix and white rice. It would be a heartfelt gesture toward eradicating racism and bigotry around the world. Every month (or at least every February) the mega-corporations could highlight Frederick Douglas or Martin Luther King Jr. Perhaps Miles Davis or Rosa Parks. The list is endless. To those corporations, I would underline that there is no time like the present to make a contribution and not just money.”

People Need to Laugh & Random Thoughts

Several times during the day, my dog, Charlie, makes me smile. Charlie is the only pup I’ve ever known who actually smiles in return. He is a sweetheart. Charlie’s cohort, Gracie Poochinella Pants, departed this day, one year ago. Gracie was well into her sixteenth year; roughly 100 plus years in the human experience. We miss her like crazy. Not unlike Charlie and Gracie, yours truly has lived a charmed life. For the past three decades, in fact, every waking hour, my adoring wife showers me with love and affection. We spend our days in a beautiful corner of the country; warm and welcoming. In turn, I’ve been blessed with a natural inclination toward the humorous side of life. Nothing, I assure you, equals the innate ability to make people laugh. If you can make people laugh, you can make people love. Now more than ever, people need to laugh. If I were to pop off this mortal coil tomorrow, I would have no regrets. Well, maybe a few, but like Sinatra said, “Too few to mention.” Although our Blue Speck typically spins out of control for one reason or another, this repugnant virus is deadly dangerous. Having the nastiest most vile President our country has ever produced, only makes matters worse. Still, I have faith in the human condition. Come November, we will right the wrong we’ve subjected the civilized world to; the quintessential grifter will depart the White House, only to be placed in handcuffs a short time later. Americans will nonetheless have our work cut out for us considering the moron-in-chief has defaced our beautiful country and spread evil across the globe. Even so, his underlying catchphrase, “Make America Hate Again,” will soon fall on the trash heap of horrors, along with every other despot who sought to rule the world. So, keep your chin up and love your brothers and sisters, no matter their race, creed, or color. Lastly, just to keep everything in its proper perspective: On this day in 1535, Michelangelo painted his kitchen.
J.M. Chamberlain
www.peopleneedtolaugh.com

Deep Questions

There are many great minds who don’t know any more than you or I regarding the deep questions facing our time and tide. For example: How did the Russians install their supreme operative in the White House? Or, how did the Pope get stuck in an elevator in the Vatican for twenty-five minutes without his magic hat? Or, how old was Donald Trump when he first noticed that his mind had gotten up and walked away? Queries that are worthy of consideration. Such as: How did an entire country fall asleep at the wheel and allow its government to be usurped by a vicious perverted narrow-minded nincompoop? Indeed, probing uncertainties that require immediate answers. For instance, if you live in Alabama, will you be voting for Donald Trump again after he frightened you to death when he tweeted that your state was in the path of the most destructive hurricane recorded in modern history, but in fact, Alabama was virtually as far away from the monster storm as Nebraska? It has been said that ignorance is bliss. If that is the case, shouldn’t Donald Trump be in Seventh Heaven?

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

“The Sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar they’ll be Sun.” Oscar Wilde wrote a bestseller entitled, The Picture of Dorian Gray. Every character in the book has his or her own moral compass. The result is a world in which no one is sure what is right and what is wrong. Oscar’s book is fiction, but what isn’t fiction is the largest hurricane in recorded history, Hurricane Dorian, battering the Bahamas and threatening the United States with devastating winds reaching 200 miles an hour. Not to mention, Dorian is depositing enough rain to fill three more oceans and every crater on the moon, ten times over. With that being said, I would like to address the climate change deniers of the world. As we have come to learn, the Earth is round, not flat, nor is it dangling from a giant rubber band attached to the moon. I believe we can all agree that these truths we hold to be self-evident. Another self-evident truth is that while MacDonald’s serves up another 387 billion burgers and cows keep farting more methane than Roseanne at a tailgate party on Superbowl Sunday; the Polar Ice Caps will continue to melt like an ice cream cone in July and The Amazon Rain Forrest will be a never-ending firestorm. In turn, monster hurricanes will become more frequent than a light drizzle, a Sun shower, or a pizza delivery at Rebel Wilson’s house. If we citizens of the globe don’t get on the stick, our children’s children will curse our generation like there’s no tomorrow, or at least until the cows come home; pun intended. Incidentally, in keeping with the damage we humans are inflicting on Mother Nature, there is presently enough plastic floating around on the ocean to assemble the next eight thousand generations of Barbie and her Malibu Dream House and still have enough plastic left over to make a Hawaiian skirt for Louie Anderson on the sitcom, Baskets. By the way, if you’re pondering what this writer is doing to help find solutions to these conundrums, may I say, first and foremost, I find your question a tad presumptuous; nonetheless, I am writing this piece to get peoples’ attention. I believe if you can make people laugh, you can make people think. And if you can make people laugh hard enough, whatever they’re drinking will cascade from their nostrils like a fountain at Caesar’s Palace. Get involved. Join the resistance.

Liberals took back The House

We begin with the sovereignty of the vote and the character of America no longer hanging in the balance. The Democrats have taken back the house. Good Show! Following the inauguration when Temporary President Trump placed his tiny hand on the good book and promised to uphold the constitution; Americans soon learned that Vladimir Putin had installed his supreme operative in the White House: Comrade-in-chief Donald J. Trump. Presently, Mr. Trump’s scurrilous attempt to hijack America via fear and division is coming to an end. From sea to shining sea, Americans are waking up and smelling the French roast and Siberian caviar. Recently, our sources spoke with another former Trump supporter, Christine Rayban from Mill Basin, New York. Christine told reporters that when she supported Donald Trump, she was coming from a very dark place. Which is, of course, a euphemism for having her head up her Arse. “I finally came to grips with my racist leanings,” Christine told reporters. “When I realized how god-awful stupid Donald Trump sounded every time he opened his pie hole.” The East Flatbush native added that her husband, Warren Rayban, is still a raging beanhead who supports Trump and needs to get back on his meds. This just in, our sources learned that special counsel, Robert Mueller, will in fact be indicting Donald Trump Jr., Jared Kushner, and Roger Stone for colluding with the Russians during the presidential campaign. Indeed, the brothers-in-law and Stone are heading for the Old Gray Bar hotel where they will be sharing their days with Paul Manafort and a plethora of slack-jawed-ne’r-do-wells. Apparently, Ivanka Trump will be joining Kushner, Stone, and Junior in the hoosegow simply for behaving like a clueless-wealthy-Dunder-headed-grifter. Film at eleven.

Injustice Flourishes in the Darkness of Inattention

We begin with viewers who watch this broadcast for six seconds before switching to a cat running up drapes, a monkey tossing turds at someone’s granny, and a rat waltzing a slice of pizza down subway stairs. To those Instagramsters viewing Phake Breaking News for a brief moment, may I just say stay tuned a tad longer; I can assure you your time will be well-spent. Plus, when this telecast has concluded, Mr. Whiskers will still be racing up curtains, the mischievous monkey in the zoo will be lobbing turds at granny, and ratatouille boy will be hopping down the subway stairs with a slice of Ray’s pizza locked in his germ-ridden jaws. In an unrelated story, Dwayne Elgin, a prolific writer with a large brain recently wrote: “Injustice flourishes in the darkness of inattention.” Seven words worth repeating: “Injustice flourishes in the darkness of inattention.” Temporary President Trump is an uncommon pickpocket stealing our Democracy and undermining our way of life. He is in fact the divider-in-chief. We are better than this. One of the brilliant architects of the Constitution, Thomas Jefferson, wrote in his journal: “Eternal vigilance is the cost of freedom.” We must pay attention and keep vigilant. This just in, apparently my pizza delivery just arrived at the studio. Until we meet again. Film at eleven.

Bedtime for Trump

We begin with the recent Fox News tribute to the 40th president of the United States, Ronald Reagan. In the opening segment, Laura Ingram called Temporary President Trump and Ronald Reagan “Two Great Leaders.” Back on Planet Earth, 70% of Americans think Ronald and Donald couldn’t lead a puppy to a hamburger. Even so, parallels can be drawn between the two Presidents. Reagan for example slashed education and social programs that protected the dispossessed. Donald Trump slashed regulations protecting American consumers and dispossessed infants from their mother’s bosoms. Reagan denounced the imprisoned Nelson Mandela as a terrorist and supported the racist apartied Government of South Africa. Donald Trump thinks Nazis are upstanding citizens. When all’s said and done, Ronald Reagan did his best work with a Chimpanzee in a Kookie film called, “Bedtime for Bonzo.” We here at PBN are currently taking up a collection to buy a monkey for Donald Trump; then, perhaps the country can get back to normal. This just in, I’m being told by our producer that one of our loyal viewers, Sharon Lynch, called the station and said: “Please don’t subject a sweet monkey to Donald Trump; Donald Junior and Eric will shoot the poor bastard and hang him on a wall in the oval office.” Point well-taken, Sharon, we’ll have to settle for a mechanical monkey in a bellhop costume banging on a pair of cymbals. Film at eleven.

Tarradiddles and Mooncalves

Today’s breaking news concerns the continuing blitzkrieg of Trump supporters leaping from the sinking Republican Party like rats jumping off a coffin descending beneath the waves. Earlier today, Bay Area reporter, John Baskett, spoke with Berkeley resident and former Trump follower, Saul Grabiotti. Mr. Grabiotti said and I quote: “When I voted for Donald Trump, I lost my soul. Losing my soul wasn’t like losing my keys; I never found my soul under the sofa.” Our Bay Area correspondent learned that several people who tolerated Saul’s dark heart for decades, recently chipped in and bought him a sense of humor for his birthday. “Now, I appreciate how funny Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, and Bill Mayer have been all these years,” Mr. Grabiotti added. “They’re brilliant comedians and they speak to the truth.” I must say, it’s refreshing to hear a Trump tarradiddle admitting he’s been behaving like an utter mooncalf. With that said, it won’t be long before every Trump supporter realizes what a douchebag Temporary President Trump is every time he opens his pie hole. Speaking of douchebags, tarradiddles, and mooncalves; in a related story, former Trump campaign manager and convicted felon, Paul Manafort, is currently looking at an eighty-five year stretch in a Federal penitentiary. In the words of another Don’s right-hand-man, Peter Clemenza, “Oh, you won’t be seeing Pauly no more; take the gun and leave the cannolis.” Film at eleven.

Phake Breaking News – Gov’t Shutdown and Perry White


Amidst the current Government shutdown, DACA deadline, and impending child healthcare closure, our sources learned that Temp. President Trump found the time to play eighteen holes of golf, bringing the total number of times Mr. Trump has spent on the golf course since his inauguration to 95. When a team of numerical analysts at M.I.T. factored in Mr. Trump’s regular days off, his vacation time, and his workday beginning at 11 and ending at 11:30, the President has in fact worked a total of four and a half days, and three and a half of those days were spent firing Anthony Scaramucci. In a related story, while millions of men and women around the world commemorated Holocaust Remembrance Day, the President spent the day on his golf course in New Jersey. The thoughtless chutzpah on the part of the Temporary President was amplified, because the golf course is restricted. This just in, a member of the White House staff, Mr. Perry White, revealed that he recently witnessed Mr. Trump twirling one strand of hair around his head for forty-five minutes, giving him the appearance of having a full head of hair. Mr. White added, and I quote, “Donald Trump is completely bald like his National Security Advisor, H.R. McMasters. In fact, the two hairless men often put their heads together and make an ass out of themselves.” Film at eleven.