All posts by PNTL

About PNTL

Hailing from Brooklyn, New York, the doctor of comedy began his career as class clown alongside cohort Larry David. After a brief stint on Wall Street, the bestselling author drove a horse and carriage around Central Park. Comical tours steered the way to stage doors, television studios, and motion pictures. In California the gifted performer was soon working alongside Gene Wilder in The Woman in Red and Ed Harris in the timeless Irwin Winkler production, The Right Stuff. The classic production about America’s race to space provided a straight path to Paramount Studios. As a young actor and writer in Hollywood, the author performed in over twenty motion pictures, working alongside screen giants Tom Hanks and Sally Fields in the film Punchline, Diane Keaton in Baby Boom, and Arnold Schwarzenegger in the science fiction thriller, The Running Man. The doctor’s fan club likes to remind his loyal readers that he also appeared in one of the worst horror movies ever made, Silent Night Deadly Night II. The accomplished artist redeemed himself as a Road Warrior, performing stand-up comedy with such notables as the late Robin Williams and legendary ground-breaker Sam Kinison; not to mention Jim Carey, Richard Lewis, and Ellen DeGenerous. Leaving no stones unturned, the resident funny man shared the stage with Howie Mandel, Bob Newhart, and provided voice characterizations for Hanna Barbera and The Smurfs. Presently, J. Michael Chamberlain’s musings are penned in a compilation of autobiographical essays entitled, Tiny Yellow Hat, a body of work acclaimed by writers and artists the world over. When the accomplished performer isn’t penning bestsellers and appearing on The Late Show, he can be found playing the blues in pubs across America and enjoying the good life with his spouse, Millisa, and their rescued hounds, Charles Beresford Tipton and Gracie Poochinella Pants.

Choice

Shortly before hurricane Andrew wreaked havoc on Southern Florida, I was lying on the sofa in my aunt Filippa’s house in Delray Beach with the air conditioner cranked up to Penguin House. Aunt Filippa and Uncle Louie were letting me cool my heals in their comfortable snow-bird home, before I hopped in my Beetle and slid down to Key West. In the southernmost city of Florida, I was bringing the gift of laughter to my fellow earthlings; a sensational room in a swanky hotel I’d headlined several times. It was also the jumping off point for a month in Puerto Rico and the Grand Cayman Islands. (Working in the Caribbean was a dirty job, but someone had to do it.)

A few minutes before I was stretched out on the sofa, I was standing in the driveway with my aunt and uncle who driving back to Brooklyn with a trunk loaded with oranges and grapefruits for their neighbors in East Flatbush.

“I know it’s a long shot,” Uncle Louie said hanging his head out the car window. “But if you get lucky, make sure the neighbors get an eyeful. The frosties around here could use a little excitement.”

Uncle Louie was a handsome devil in his mid-sixties, tall with jet black hair and horn-rimmed glasses. I called him Superman. A throwback from when I was a kid, because he was the spitting image of Clark Kent. Louie loved to call to his fellow Floridians “Frosties,” because they were either bald or graying on top. We were running errands a week earlier when Louie spied an elderly woman in the car ahead of us. “Holy crap,” he said while we were sitting at a red light. “There’s a giant cotton ball with two arms driving a Lincoln.” I attribute a portion of my wacky sense of humor to Uncle Louie; although, I’m certain he’d readily deny it.

After Aunt Filippa and Uncle Louie pulled out of the driveway, I got comfortable on the sofa with a bag of Doritos propped up between my legs, the remote control in one hand and a cold beer in the other. While I was sipping, snacking, and surfing, I dropped anchor on a local talk show. The moment I logged on, a woman with dark eyes looked directly into the camera and said, “For the first time in my life, I understood that we always have a choice.” I think she’d lost a boatload of weight and followed her dream of becoming a mermaid at Weekewaachie, but I can’t be certain; anyway, that’s not important; what is important was she grasped the power of choice; something she had never seriously contemplated and neither had I.

When I switched off the television, I could still see her face and hear her voice announcing, “For the first time in my life, I understood that we always have a choice.” It was a simple statement that went straight to my heart. I found myself repeating it again and again. At that moment, I began to think about the power of choice and how I might apply it to my life. Could I choose to be healthier, wealthier, more compassionate, more loving? The more “choice questions” I asked, the more “yes answers” I received.

“We always have a choice,” I suddenly said aloud. “We always have a choice.”

It sounds simple, I admit, but it was something of an awakening, a bright moment the likes of which Ebenezer Scrooge experienced when he awoke on Christmas morning. I got it. Recurring messages orchestrating a positive attitude; a sequence of reminders prompting choices spoken aloud; memoranda driving the right choice home at the right time.

The woman on the talk show got it. She understood that controlling her choices from one moment to another was key to achieving her goals. Attending to her own sound advice was highly effective. She determined that if she was going to change, she had to recall the moment of truth on demand, out loud. Smart pledges announcing that the power of choice is always there for the asking. In effect, by allowing myself to repeat choice words at will, I could choose to accept love and give love unconditionally. In doing so, I accepted a stream of consciousness that made my choices honest, authentic, and sincere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20% of The Entire Population

It’s a fact, twenty percent of the entire population of these United States is mental; stark raving mad; bugnutty bonkers. These unhinged individuals are imbued with a plethora of emotional illnesses; horrors ranging from rampant racism and xenophobia to unbridled self-hatred and psychopathic egotism.  In a word, they are hateful human beings who view themselves as victims. Bellyaching wounded casualties of their own inadequacy. From the moment Donald John Trump took office, he became their sanctioned leader; a leader of losers. The word “leader” is laughable considering Agent Orange couldn’t lead a puppy to a hamburger. Just the same, Trump gave the Neanderthals permission to rise up from their ratholes and exercise shameful and deplorable behavior. While their hearts are dark and crowded with hatred, it’s not up to good and decent people to fix them; they are beyond repair. However, it is the job of decent Americans to get out the vote. Thomas Jefferson said, “Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom.” We let our guard down in 2016. As a result, the hatemongers marched into our benevolent country in jackboots, waving Confederate flags.  Now, it’s time to take back the country and never let our guard down again. Please vote; Democracy hangs in the balance.

Southside of Brooklyn

I was born on the southside of Brooklyn a few years after the second world war. My father was stationed in Nebraska during World War II and often said, “I killed more German and Japanese soldiers with my typewriter than any other guy in the Army Air Corp.” Still in single digits, I thought Dad went around smashing his Underwood over enemy combatants’ heads, or dropped his typewriter from a B17 into densely populated areas of Berlin and Tokyo. Although my father was never in the thick of it, he still suffered from PTSD, or shell shock as the medicos called the disorder in the 1940s. Why he exhibited symptoms of the dread condition is a mystery; nonetheless, after his stint in the armed forces, Dad had more issues than Readers Digest. Of course, cohabitating with my mother, the Sicilian whack-a-do from Crazy Town, may have been a contributing factor regarding his facial tics and occasional melt downs; events that punctuated a broad-spectrum of clumsy parenting. Just the same, I never doubted his love. A few years back, the veteran shuffled off this mortal coil in his 96th year. In his absence, I thank my father and his heroic band of brothers who fought and died for their country.

Black American Hero’s


Here is a clever idea from the button-down mind of my lovely wife, Millisa. Recently, the folks at Quaker Oats and Mars Nutrition woke up after 130 years and discontinued their stereotypical logos from the company’s pancake mix and fragrant white rice. Millisa said, “The Quaker Oat Company and Mars Nutrition should replace Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima with a bit of Black History on every box of pancake mix and white rice. It would be a heartfelt gesture toward eradicating racism and bigotry around the world. Every month (or at least every February) the mega-corporations could highlight Frederick Douglas or Martin Luther King Jr. Perhaps Miles Davis or Rosa Parks. The list is endless. To those corporations, I would underline that there is no time like the present to make a contribution and not just money.”

People Need to Laugh & Random Thoughts

Several times during the day, my dog, Charlie, makes me smile. Charlie is the only pup I’ve ever known who actually smiles in return. He is a sweetheart. Charlie’s cohort, Gracie Poochinella Pants, departed this day, one year ago. Gracie was well into her sixteenth year; roughly 100 plus years in the human experience. We miss her like crazy. Not unlike Charlie and Gracie, yours truly has lived a charmed life. For the past three decades, in fact, every waking hour, my adoring wife showers me with love and affection. We spend our days in a beautiful corner of the country; warm and welcoming. In turn, I’ve been blessed with a natural inclination toward the humorous side of life. Nothing, I assure you, equals the innate ability to make people laugh. If you can make people laugh, you can make people love. Now more than ever, people need to laugh. If I were to pop off this mortal coil tomorrow, I would have no regrets. Well, maybe a few, but like Sinatra said, “Too few to mention.” Although our Blue Speck typically spins out of control for one reason or another, this repugnant virus is deadly dangerous. Having the nastiest most vile President our country has ever produced, only makes matters worse. Still, I have faith in the human condition. Come November, we will right the wrong we’ve subjected the civilized world to; the quintessential grifter will depart the White House, only to be placed in handcuffs a short time later. Americans will nonetheless have our work cut out for us considering the moron-in-chief has defaced our beautiful country and spread evil across the globe. Even so, his underlying catchphrase, “Make America Hate Again,” will soon fall on the trash heap of horrors, along with every other despot who sought to rule the world. So, keep your chin up and love your brothers and sisters, no matter their race, creed, or color. Lastly, just to keep everything in its proper perspective: On this day in 1535, Michelangelo painted his kitchen.
J.M. Chamberlain
www.peopleneedtolaugh.com

Deep Questions

There are many great minds who don’t know any more than you or I regarding the deep questions facing our time and tide. For example: How did the Russians install their supreme operative in the White House? Or, how did the Pope get stuck in an elevator in the Vatican for twenty-five minutes without his magic hat? Or, how old was Donald Trump when he first noticed that his mind had gotten up and walked away? Queries that are worthy of consideration. Such as: How did an entire country fall asleep at the wheel and allow its government to be usurped by a vicious perverted narrow-minded nincompoop? Indeed, probing uncertainties that require immediate answers. For instance, if you live in Alabama, will you be voting for Donald Trump again after he frightened you to death when he tweeted that your state was in the path of the most destructive hurricane recorded in modern history, but in fact, Alabama was virtually as far away from the monster storm as Nebraska? It has been said that ignorance is bliss. If that is the case, shouldn’t Donald Trump be in Seventh Heaven?

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

“The Sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar they’ll be Sun.” Oscar Wilde wrote a bestseller entitled, The Picture of Dorian Gray. Every character in the book has his or her own moral compass. The result is a world in which no one is sure what is right and what is wrong. Oscar’s book is fiction, but what isn’t fiction is the largest hurricane in recorded history, Hurricane Dorian, battering the Bahamas and threatening the United States with devastating winds reaching 200 miles an hour. Not to mention, Dorian is depositing enough rain to fill three more oceans and every crater on the moon, ten times over. With that being said, I would like to address the climate change deniers of the world. As we have come to learn, the Earth is round, not flat, nor is it dangling from a giant rubber band attached to the moon. I believe we can all agree that these truths we hold to be self-evident. Another self-evident truth is that while MacDonald’s serves up another 387 billion burgers and cows keep farting more methane than Roseanne at a tailgate party on Superbowl Sunday; the Polar Ice Caps will continue to melt like an ice cream cone in July and The Amazon Rain Forrest will be a never-ending firestorm. In turn, monster hurricanes will become more frequent than a light drizzle, a Sun shower, or a pizza delivery at Rebel Wilson’s house. If we citizens of the globe don’t get on the stick, our children’s children will curse our generation like there’s no tomorrow, or at least until the cows come home; pun intended. Incidentally, in keeping with the damage we humans are inflicting on Mother Nature, there is presently enough plastic floating around on the ocean to assemble the next eight thousand generations of Barbie and her Malibu Dream House and still have enough plastic left over to make a Hawaiian skirt for Louie Anderson on the sitcom, Baskets. By the way, if you’re pondering what this writer is doing to help find solutions to these conundrums, may I say, first and foremost, I find your question a tad presumptuous; nonetheless, I am writing this piece to get peoples’ attention. I believe if you can make people laugh, you can make people think. And if you can make people laugh hard enough, whatever they’re drinking will cascade from their nostrils like a fountain at Caesar’s Palace. Get involved. Join the resistance.

Liberals took back The House

We begin with the sovereignty of the vote and the character of America no longer hanging in the balance. The Democrats have taken back the house. Good Show! Following the inauguration when Temporary President Trump placed his tiny hand on the good book and promised to uphold the constitution; Americans soon learned that Vladimir Putin had installed his supreme operative in the White House: Comrade-in-chief Donald J. Trump. Presently, Mr. Trump’s scurrilous attempt to hijack America via fear and division is coming to an end. From sea to shining sea, Americans are waking up and smelling the French roast and Siberian caviar. Recently, our sources spoke with another former Trump supporter, Christine Rayban from Mill Basin, New York. Christine told reporters that when she supported Donald Trump, she was coming from a very dark place. Which is, of course, a euphemism for having her head up her Arse. “I finally came to grips with my racist leanings,” Christine told reporters. “When I realized how god-awful stupid Donald Trump sounded every time he opened his pie hole.” The East Flatbush native added that her husband, Warren Rayban, is still a raging beanhead who supports Trump and needs to get back on his meds. This just in, our sources learned that special counsel, Robert Mueller, will in fact be indicting Donald Trump Jr., Jared Kushner, and Roger Stone for colluding with the Russians during the presidential campaign. Indeed, the brothers-in-law and Stone are heading for the Old Gray Bar hotel where they will be sharing their days with Paul Manafort and a plethora of slack-jawed-ne’r-do-wells. Apparently, Ivanka Trump will be joining Kushner, Stone, and Junior in the hoosegow simply for behaving like a clueless-wealthy-Dunder-headed-grifter. Film at eleven.

Injustice Flourishes in the Darkness of Inattention

We begin with viewers who watch this broadcast for six seconds before switching to a cat running up drapes, a monkey tossing turds at someone’s granny, and a rat waltzing a slice of pizza down subway stairs. To those Instagramsters viewing Phake Breaking News for a brief moment, may I just say stay tuned a tad longer; I can assure you your time will be well-spent. Plus, when this telecast has concluded, Mr. Whiskers will still be racing up curtains, the mischievous monkey in the zoo will be lobbing turds at granny, and ratatouille boy will be hopping down the subway stairs with a slice of Ray’s pizza locked in his germ-ridden jaws. In an unrelated story, Dwayne Elgin, a prolific writer with a large brain recently wrote: “Injustice flourishes in the darkness of inattention.” Seven words worth repeating: “Injustice flourishes in the darkness of inattention.” Temporary President Trump is an uncommon pickpocket stealing our Democracy and undermining our way of life. He is in fact the divider-in-chief. We are better than this. One of the brilliant architects of the Constitution, Thomas Jefferson, wrote in his journal: “Eternal vigilance is the cost of freedom.” We must pay attention and keep vigilant. This just in, apparently my pizza delivery just arrived at the studio. Until we meet again. Film at eleven.

Bedtime for Trump

We begin with the recent Fox News tribute to the 40th president of the United States, Ronald Reagan. In the opening segment, Laura Ingram called Temporary President Trump and Ronald Reagan “Two Great Leaders.” Back on Planet Earth, 70% of Americans think Ronald and Donald couldn’t lead a puppy to a hamburger. Even so, parallels can be drawn between the two Presidents. Reagan for example slashed education and social programs that protected the dispossessed. Donald Trump slashed regulations protecting American consumers and dispossessed infants from their mother’s bosoms. Reagan denounced the imprisoned Nelson Mandela as a terrorist and supported the racist apartied Government of South Africa. Donald Trump thinks Nazis are upstanding citizens. When all’s said and done, Ronald Reagan did his best work with a Chimpanzee in a Kookie film called, “Bedtime for Bonzo.” We here at PBN are currently taking up a collection to buy a monkey for Donald Trump; then, perhaps the country can get back to normal. This just in, I’m being told by our producer that one of our loyal viewers, Sharon Lynch, called the station and said: “Please don’t subject a sweet monkey to Donald Trump; Donald Junior and Eric will shoot the poor bastard and hang him on a wall in the oval office.” Point well-taken, Sharon, we’ll have to settle for a mechanical monkey in a bellhop costume banging on a pair of cymbals. Film at eleven.