We begin with temporary President Trump’s disenfranchised supporters; millions of former republicans like Teddy Lipton, a door-to-door pillbox salesman from Boseman, Montana who recently turned in his GOP ID Card for a Dump Trump bumper sticker. “Until Trump came along,” Teddy told our reporters, “I was a perfectly happy racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, guy. Now, every time I see Donald on TV, I realize what a gigantic ass-face I’ve been my entire life.” I speak for all of humanity, Mr. Lipton, when I say Bravo and please stay on your meds. In a related story, at the recent confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Justice, a protester, Phyllis Sans-filter, stood up while Brett Kavanaugh was evading another question from Senator Harris and shouted: “I like salmon and so does my tabby, Mr. Whiskers.” It wasn’t clear why Phyllis interrupted the hearing; nonetheless, DC Police dragged her from the room, repeatedly slapping Sans-filter the way Moe smacked Larry and Curly in every Three Stooges film from 1937. This just in: It has been confirmed that Sara Schmuckabee Sanders is in fact a lying sack of horse apples … film at eleven.