In a recent study by the American Psychiatric Association, doctors revealed that if Temporary President Trump had a twin brother, rather than one of the siblings being good and the other evil, both twins would be morons with an IQ of a baked potato sans sour cream and chives. The head of research at the APA, Dr. Brad Pittman, said, and I quote: “Even if twin Trumps melded their brains together, they still wouldn’t have the Intelligence Quotient of a subterranean Mir cat or a leaping gerbil.” In a related story, Judge Roy Bean Moore continues to refute allegations of pedophilia. The judge told reporters, and I quote: “Geeze, you date a few fourteen-year-old girls when you’re in your thirties and everyone bites your head off. Where I come from, if you’re not dating a fourteen-year-old, you’re courting your cousin who is also fourteen.” This just in, our sources recently learned that before retiring for the evening, Vice President Pence sings the Battle Hymn of the Republic with a dill pickle in each nostril and his wife’s panties draped across his head. Film at eleven.