Amidst the current Government shutdown, DACA deadline, and impending child healthcare closure, our sources learned that Temp. President Trump found the time to play eighteen holes of golf, bringing the total number of times Mr. Trump has spent on the golf course since his inauguration to 95. When a team of numerical analysts at M.I.T. factored in Mr. Trump’s regular days off, his vacation time, and his workday beginning at 11 and ending at 11:30, the President has in fact worked a total of four and a half days, and three and a half of those days were spent firing Anthony Scaramucci. In a related story, while millions of men and women around the world commemorated Holocaust Remembrance Day, the President spent the day on his golf course in New Jersey. The thoughtless chutzpah on the part of the Temporary President was amplified, because the golf course is restricted. This just in, a member of the White House staff, Mr. Perry White, revealed that he recently witnessed Mr. Trump twirling one strand of hair around his head for forty-five minutes, giving him the appearance of having a full head of hair. Mr. White added, and I quote, “Donald Trump is completely bald like his National Security Advisor, H.R. McMasters. In fact, the two hairless men often put their heads together and make an ass out of themselves.” Film at eleven.