The Running Man



I have my finger under Arnold Schwarzenegger’s nose, because he was about to sneeze. There’s only one way to describe the conversation I had with the former governor of California during the filming of Running Man, Uberdeep. Arnold: “Nice shoes.” Me: “Likewise, I’m sure.”

Patch Adams

In Patch Adams, I had the privilege of working with academy award winners, Robin Williams and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I was dressed in a lab coat, like the one Robin is wearing in the poster. In the film, Robin looks like a doctor; I look like a butcher or a hair stylist wearing a stethoscope.

Punch Line

I’m laughing in this photo, because when I arrived on the set, I told Sally Fields that I’d been a fan since the Flying Nun days. Before she smiled and thanked me, Sally stared at me as though she was about to say, “Nice to meet you, baldy. I appreciate your comments, but go away before I call security.” Sally’s co-star was Tom Hanks. If you’re reading this, Tommy, and why wouldn’t you be, it’s time you apologized for freaking out like a little girl and swearing at me when I shook you’re hand with the rubber hand I had up my sleeve. A few weeks later, I worked with Tom Hanks on Dragnet with Dan Ackroyd. Dan was a prince. Tom was still a douche.

Baby Boom

Diane Keaton’s concentration on the film Baby Boom was off the hook. It was an honor to work with Charles Shyer, Diane Keaton and James Spader.

Cross My Heart


Martin Short is a national treasure. Without question, one of the funniest human beings on the planet. On the film Cross Your Heart with Annette O’Toole, Martin and I did dueling Jerry Lewis’ in Raceda, California. I love the guy.


It was an honor to work with Christopher Plummer and Dan Ackroyd on Dragnet. My part consisted of running around in goat leggings at midnight carrying a fiery torch that nearly set my mustache aflame. Now I know how the villagers in the original Frankenstein movie felt. At the end of the shoot, I asked the assistant director if I could take the goat leggings home as a souvenir; he told me to leave them in the dressing room. Dan Ackroyd and Christopher Plummer were delightful. Tom Hanks was still a weenie.



I played a cop in the motion picture Metro starring Eddie Murphy and Michael Rappaport. While we were shooting a scene, a small klieg light broke loose and bounced off an extra’s head. She wasn’t hurt badly, but they took her away in an ambulance just the same. “If I got bonked on the head with a klieg light and was taken away in an ambulance,” I told my cohorts,  “The following day I would return in a starring role or own part of the production company.”

Silent Night Deadly Night II

Silent Night Deadly Night Part II is possibly the worst horror film ever made. You’re welcome.

The Right Stuff

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Working on The Right Stuff was a gift from the Gods. It’s a classic motion picture and I’m proud to be part of it.

Commando Squad

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On more than one occasion during the filming of Commando Squad I was nearly blown to bits. You’re welcome. On the first day of shooting, I met Russ Tamblin; I was amazed to see Russ in the low budget film. I used to think that anyone who had any success in Hollywood was a millionaire and lived in Malibu.

The Woman in Red

Working with Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner on The Woman in Red was a blast. Gilda was the fourth member of the original SNL players I had the privilege of meeting; Gene Wilder was in Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Who’s That Girl

While I was working on the film Who’s That Girl, I had lunch with Madonna. Well … me and fifty-seven other people, but it was still cool.