John Oliver researched the origin of Trump’s name and found that his great grandfather changed it from Drumpf to Trump when the old gentleman arrived on Ellis Island from Dusseldorf. Apparently, his great-grandfather made Lederhosen for parade goers during Oktoberfest. The pants maker studied law when he came to America. His first name was Isodore, or Uncle Izzy as he was affectionately called. But Izzy Drumpf wasn’t a very good lawyer, so he kept the tailor shop open while he was practicing law; therefore, you might say that Izzy Drumpf was fitting and fighting suits simultaneously.
It’s been rumored that Anthony Weiner may be throwing his hat in the ring for the Vice Presidential slot on the Democratic ticket. Anthony also said that he was going to throw his pants, his shirt, and his underwear in the ring as well.
Since the senator from Florida did everyone a favor when he dropped out of the presidential race; children frolicking in swimming pools in Miami have replaced Marco Pollo with Marco Rubio. Now, if we could just close our eyes and Republican front runners Ted Cruz and Donald Trump would disappear as well, the world would be a better place.
At a town hall meeting, Anderson Cooper asked Donald Trump why he had said nasty things about Senator Ted Cruz’s wife, Heidi. “Ted started it, ” Mr. Trump replied, petulantly. ” What are you five years old?” Anderson Cooper said. “Your response is ‘Ted started it?'” Personally, I’m concerned that President Trump may be attending a high level meeting with President Putin of Russia, when the two leaders find themselves in disagreement. There’s bound to be an international incident when President Trump stamps his feet and proclaims: “Shut up, Vladimir, you poopy head. You’re not the boss of me.”
After beating Donald Trump in the Wisconsin primary by double digits, Senator Ted Cruz reportedly said, “I beat the bitch down.” No wait, that was a quote from Arron Paul in Breaking Bad.
Senator Ted Cruz overshadowed Donald Trump in the Wisconsin primary Tuesday by a whopping 17%. Personally, I find both men equally repugnant; two sad little boys whose mommies probably didn’t breastfeed them long enough, and now they’re taking it out on the rest of humanity.